Transforming Your Self: Becoming who you want to be

This book presents simple and practical methods for discovering the content and structure of your self-concept, and how to strengthen it and change it to make it more durable, yet more responsive to the corrective feedback that keeps it accurate.

Methods for utilizing and transforming mistakes are followed by processes for positively transforming uncertain or unwanted aspects of yourself, as well as transforming aspects that are negated.

Processes for discovering and changing your unconscious boundaries so that they protect you from others’ opinions, beliefs, and intrusions, are followed by ways to adjust your boundaries so that you can connect with others in shared intimacy, while retaining a secure sense of yourself.

Table of Contents:

Introduction   1

Basic Understandings
1  Self-concept, Values, and Self-Esteem   10        
     How a self-concept that is aligned with values results in self-esteem.
2  The Power of Self-concept   22        
     Why a good self-concept is a fundamental key to your success in life.
3  Elements of a Healthy Self-concept  30        
     The essential criteria that make your self-concept work well.         

Strengthening the Self
4  Changing Structure   43        
     Discover and improve the unique structure of your self-concept.
5  Changing Time   65        
     Make sure your self-concept functions well all the time.
6  Changing Content   82        
     Enriching and enhancing who you are, and what you can do.         

Expanding the Self
7  Utilizing Mistakes   100        
     Your mistakes can make your self-concept stronger and more accurate.
8  Transforming Mistakes   119        
     Using mistakes to become even more of who you want to be.
9  Building a New Quality of Self-concept   133
     Create an entirely new desired quality or attitude for yourself.         

Transforming the Self
10  Transforming an Uncertain Quality   155        
     Make a weak quality into a strong basis for who you want to be.
11  Changing the “Not self”   180        
     Thinking of who you are not can be destructive, and how to change it.
12  Transforming an Unwanted Quality   195
     Change a negative attitude into the positive one that you want.         

Boundaries of the Self
13  Discovering and Changing Boundaries   217
     How to create inner boundaries that protect you more effectively.
14  Connecting with Others   239        
     How to be intimate, while retaining a strong sense of yourself.

Closing   254
Appendix: Perspective Patterns   261 
About the Author   274
References   276
Index   278

“Everybody talks about the weather, but nobody does anything about it,’ and the same is usually true of self-concept and self-esteem. This book is a happy exception. With specific instruction, real-life examples, and an all-important sense of humor, Steve Andreas unpacks this vitally important process clearly and succinctly, going ‘under the hood’ to show you how to rebuild, fine tune, and change your self-concept and self-esteem. -Bill O’Hanlon, MFT, author/coauthor of 20 books, including "Do One Thing Different" and "In Search of Solutions"

“In this innovative and engaging book, Steve Andreas provides a clear lens for better seeing the core of who we are. In the process, he shatters some popular but silly myths about self-concept and self-esteem, replacing them with useful concepts and practical strategies for enhancing who we are, and who we think we are.” -Michael D. Yapko, Ph.D., Clinical Psychologist, author of "Breaking the Patterns of Depression"

“If you read only one book this year, make it this one. While the world of psychotherapy is dizzy trying to learn techniques, here is one of the very few books that provides enduring value! Bringing the logic and specificity that only Steve Andreas can, this long overdue book aboutthe positive development of self raises the benchmark for how we can achieve personal growth and health.” -Stephen Lankton, MSW, DAHB, author of 15 books, including "The Answer Within", "Practical Magic", and "Tales of Enchantment"

“In this beautiful and often brilliant book, Steve Andreas addresses the core distinction of personal identity. Rather than allowing identity to be merely a result of external forces, he shows how you can skillfully participate in the ongoing construction, deconstruction, and rebirthing of a happy and helpful sense of self. The examples are lucid, the methods are practical and eminently useful, and the writing is exceptionally clear. I highly recommend it!’ -Stephen Gilligan, Ph.D., author of "Therapeutic Trances" and "The Courage to Love"

"Reading this book is like inviting Steve Andreas “all shaggy and warm” right into your living room. You expect to have your eyes opened about self-concept, and they are. Then it turns out to be much more: an exploration of many of the ins and outs and mysteries of being human, too. Steve’s astonishing directness and inviting confidence make it all easy to hear and take in." -David Gordon, author of "Therapeutic Metaphor"