Happily, John
McWhirter has described a fascinating and subtle linguistic example
of how the mind can be preset to respond in a particular way that,
sadly, others have not previously noticed. A "cognitive qualifier" is
a "commentary" adverb appearing at the beginning of a sentence or phrase
that refers to an emotional or cognitive state, such as "happily" or "sadly" in
the previous sentence. A cognitive qualifier prepares the mind to respond
in a specified way to whatever words follow.
To experience this effect, think of an ordinary descriptive sentence
like, "The green tree is standing in the sunlight," or "I am sitting at the
desk," and imagine saying this sentence to yourselfƒ
Now imagine saying the exact same sentence, but preceded by the word "sadly," and
notice how this changes your experience.
Then say the same sentence, but preceded by the word "happily," and again
pay attention to your experience.
Cognitive qualifiers direct your mind to think of aspects of an experience
that are specified by the kind of qualifier used.
Imagine what your life would be like if you began every sentence, and
every thought, with the word "sadly" or "regrettably." That is a very
effective way to be depressed, and some people actually do this! In contrast,
imagine what your life would be like if every sentence and thought were
preceded by the word "happily" or "fortunately." This would be a much
better choice, and again, some people actually do this.
Understandably, you might feel incongruent about using the qualifier "happily"
for some unpleasant events, but luckily there is an alternative resource.
Both "sadly" and "happily" refer to emotional states, and most emotions
are evaluative, dealing with pleasant or unpleasant, positive or negative.
These evaluative qualifiers will sometimes seem inappropriate for the
content of a particular thought or sentence. Interestingly, there is a
set of cognitive/emotional states that is quite different, and that do
not have negative or unpleasant aspects. Curiously, they all center around
a state of interest, curiosity, attention, or understanding: "interestingly,"
"curiously," "surprisingly," "understandably," etc. Something unpleasant
can be just as interesting as something pleasant - the state of interest
or fascination itself is always positive and enjoyable. You probably never
heard anyone complain about being curious. "Oh I had this awful curiosity
last night - it was terrible!"
Since these cognitive qualifiers miraculously never have negative states
associated with them, they are truly universal resources, which can be
used with any experience. And since a state of curiosity or interest is
an excellent resource state for learning and change, this kind of cognitive
qualifier is a wonderful state to use in beginning to understand and process
a difficulty.
For example, think of some experience in your life that you might describe
as a problem or difficulty, and make up a simple sentence that describes
it, such as, "I hate it when people don't follow through on their promises." Say
this sentence to yourself, and notice how you represent this internally.
Now say the same sentence to yourself, but preceded by the word "interestingly,"
or "curiously," or "understandably," and pay attention to how this word
changes your experience.
Most people experience subtle but profound changes as attention is drawn
away from how unpleasant the problem event is and toward interest and
curiosity about how it happens, or how it can be understood--a state
of readiness and eagerness for learning. Imagine what your life would
be like if every sentence and thought you had began with "Interestingly"
or "Understandably."
This can be very useful when used as a "backtrack" with a client. When
a client describes a problem, you can feed back their statement, beginning
with "understandably," or some other qualifier that has to do with curiosity
and learning, and watch for the nonverbal shifts that indicate that they
are thinking about it in a more relaxed and useful way.
John McWhirter has also pointed out that a very important aspect of these
cognitive qualifiers is that they create a shared and universal world,
a frame that embraces us both. It is quite different to say "I find that
interesting," or "Do you find that interesting?" in which there is an
apparent separation or difference between us. When I say "Interestingly," this
sets up a frame that simply exists and is taken for granted, and that
we both experience together, without the separation between self and
other that many people often feel. This transcends rapport, because rapport
presupposes the difference that the rapport bridges.
Surprisingly, with a powerful state of interest and curiosity, many "problems" simply
vanish as my attention turns from how unpleasant they are to simply learning
how they exist and function, and what I can do to change them. Even when
they don't vanish, it is a much more useful place to begin to work toward
understanding and a solution.
Interestingly, the idea that all of life is a school in which we have
lessons to learn is a very old idea, and one that is particularly central
in certain spiritual traditions, Buddhism in particular. I have no idea
if it is true or not, but it is a very powerful reorientation for your
life as a whole, one that makes life much easier and more enjoyable, both
for yourself and for others.
Steve Andreas, with his wife Connirae, has been learning, teaching, and
developing patterns in NLP since 1977. Steve is the author of a number
of NLP articles and books, including Heart of the Mind, and has produced
many videotapes and audiotaped demonstrations of specific NLP patterns
for personal change.
